MaybeBaby's Portraits

Picture 1: This shows she doesn't have a penis. I mean, that's what they tell me.



Picture 2: This is a foot. It has toes! (I think it's even the right number.)



Picture 3: This is the face one. The upper left hand corner has the WEIRD CREEPY NON-BABY FACE!



Picture 4: Another of her face.



Picture 5: Hands -- I think she's holding them over her face.



Picture 6: Profile



Picture 7: Legs all crossed! Looks kinda uncomfortable in there, doesn't it?



Picture 8: Another profile



Picture 9: Last one! You can see a nose, people! THAT IS INSIDE ME.

MaybeBaby is a Girl!

I see why people need to study for a while to become ultrasound technicians. I mean, how they can find the things they find is beyond me. It looks like a face! No, a hand! No, a spine!

So, MaybeGirlBaby was moving around lots! I still can't feel her, but she waved to us (well, I'm allowed to be cheesy sometimes, right?) and then said, "You better have a kick-ass name all ready for me when I come out."

There are some cute ultrasound pictures of her crossing her legs and holding her hands up, and one of her little foot (I mean, the lady said it was a foot, and I guess it looks like one if you hold it at the right angle), but the weirdest picture is one that is a closeup of the face. Two things: 1) Her jaw looks exactly like Ian's! and 2) There's her face, but then in the upper left hand corner there's ANOTHER FACE. It's like seeing the Virgin Mary in a pastry, but instead it's seeing a CREEPY WEIRD-ASS FACE IN MY WOMB. WHAT IS IT DOING IN THERE WITH MY BABY?!

A co-worker commented on it and was even trying to tell me it was the baby's face -- I convinced him it wasn't, but then he said, "Ha, twins!" I said, "Twins, yes, if one was normal and the other one was WRONG."

Okay, so I'm pretty sure it's not a real face. I mean, as sure as anyone can be when she's still completely floored by the fact that somehow she managed to get pregnant and is incubating a small human. (Again, I ask you -- who decided it was a good idea to make it possible for me to bear children?) Who knows what's possible?

No, I haven't shown Ian yet. He was there and has seen all the pictures, but I didn't notice the creepy face until today at work.

For those of you wondering about my parents -- I first demanded that they tell me what they thought it would be (I wanted to drag it out a bit more), and my mom said she thought it would be a boy (because there are "so many boys in Ian's family"), and my dad said he had no idea. (I mean, the man couldn't even pick between just two options!) So, I told them it was a girl and they were thrilled. I could see my mom already picking out the lacy white headbands on which we can clip bows so that my hairless child will not be mistaken for a boy! (You know my mom.) My dad informed Ian that, speaking from experience, it is wonderful to raise a girl. Ian said he was counting on that. Ian wanted a girl, so this is all very good. Ian's mom said that she "knew" it would be a girl. She was pretty excited, too. A woman with three sons has a right to get excited about buying baby girl things, I think.

To be honest, though, since I've been sick for over a week now, I had been freaked out that I had hurt the baby or something was wrong with it; I was really nervous that we would go and they wouldn't find a heartbeat. (We were on the verge of purchasing a Walmart baby heartbeat monitor on Saturday night, but the poor reviews stopped us from wasting the money.) I was just so paranoid. So, honestly, as long as they found a heartbeat, it could've been just about anything and I would've been thrilled.

So, here's a link for you: http://www.xylocopa.com/product/mad-science-alphabet-blocks

We'd love to register for these, but Amazon, Walmart, and Babies R Us just don't seem to carry them.....

Ultrasound pictures will go up sometime soon. Gotta get caught up with some other things this week first!

Today's the Day!

Today's when we find out what the baby is: alien or monkey! Okay, old joke. At any rate, it's been difficult to update the blog, as I've been sick the past week or so -- can't take any regular drugs (I'm used to popping DayQuil and NyQuil whenever one of these nasty bugs comes along), so I'm making do. I have all the more respect for people who regularly get along without taking over-the-counter medications.

Anyway, some of you will hear from me via phone (or from Ian, since I still don't have a voice), and some of you will hear via facebook, and some of you will see it on the blog! I promise to post as soon as I can.

Wish us luck! :) We're off to the OB!

So I definitely look pregnant now.

I had another appointment at the OB this past Monday. More evidence that I don't know what I'm doing: I didn't know I was going to get to hear the baby's heartbeat again, even though I wasn't going to get an ultrasound. It was like a present!

People have been asking me if I can feel the baby moving, but I haven't (that I know of). The doctor said I probably wouldn't feel movement for another month, but when people keep asking you, you start to wonder if something's wrong, you know?

I thought I was 17 weeks, but I think the midwife said I was around 16 weeks. It reminds me of starting a new school year when I was teaching - I would count the number of weeks we'd been in school, thinking that there was no way I'd lose track, but then, of course, I would. (Comparing pregnancy to weeks in school = appropriate or inappropriate? You be the judge.)

It kind of makes me feel like a bad pregnant lady, but on the other hand, who has time to keep all that straight?

So, anyway, I got to hear the heartbeat, which was lovely, as well as other noises (weird whooshes). The midwife said, "That's the baby kicking and tumbling." It was reassuring, but also kind of strange because I can't feel it yet.

I got to ask a couple questions, including, "I'm trying to lie on my side at night, but I wake up on my back." My husband actually is on "non-roll-over" duty and tries to make me get back on my side if he wakes up and sees I'm lying on my back. It's not the most effective method, but what can you do? I asked the midwife about a Snoogle, which she had never heard of. ("Snuggle?" she repeated. "Snooker?") She said it was up to me. Not what a first-time pregnant lady (at least, one like me) wants to hear. I want to know for sure, yes or no. When you really don't know how things are going to turn out (it's an uncertain world), you want to hear something decisive. So, yet another issue I'm on the fence about: to "Snoogle" (tm) or not to "Snoogle" (tm)?

After having gotten through the first trimester with the nausea basically over, there are times I forget that I'm pregnant. It's still hard to believe that my body is holding another body. If I catch sight of myself in a mirror or a window's reflection, it's almost always a surprise to see a pregnant lady there. I look like other pregnant women! How is that possible?

Apparently in the third trimester, there's never a time you forget you're pregnant. Whooooooo, boy.

In other news, my cousin (who is expecting her second) found out that she's having another girl. Yay!!! It also makes me extra impatient, though, because I won't know for another month what sex the maybebaby is.

So, here are the names so far suggested by family members:

Boris Raoul (the name my father claims he would have named me had I been a boy)

Richard (Ian's father's name - suggested by his father; Ian's older brothers both had boys [one had two!] and none of the boys was named after their grandfather)

Siobhan (my mother, who couldn't come up with any other Irish or Scottish names; she figured that since both my name and my husband's name were from the British Isles, we might want to stick with that)

Jeff (I guess that's only funny if you know Ian's last name)

Erian (my parents, who thought it would be funny to combine our names in such a way that made our baby sound like it was the product of neo-Nazis)

....I can't remember the others now, but as I remember them (or get new suggestions from you!....c'mon, you know you want to), I'll post them.

Thanks to everyone who has posted so far: Karen, Julie, Brook, Nichole, Megan, Abbey, Mere, Betsy, and Jason. Your info (and positivity) is truly appreciated!

Rambling Post

There are lots of baby blogs out there. I guess it's natural to compare. I have thought about baby belly pictures, but... a) I'm lazy and b) I can't find my digital camera. Some blogs have music on them (not a fan). (Other blogs are scary, because you're going along, reading, and then you find out that the person had a miscarriage or something sad happened. And people [real-life people] tell you horrible stories. I'm not sure why, but they do. I heard the absolute worst one the other day, and I swear I will not repeat it to anyone.) Other blogs reveal that the parents have already gone out and bought lots of baby items (at only twenty weeks, sometimes less). Wow! Organized.

I think it will be very strange when we actually own real baby items. At this point, just having baby books seems normal, but to actually own baby clothes or diapers or ... equipment (?) ... seems like saying we're blithely assuming everything will go smoothly. I try not to think about it too much, but I'm almost afraid of tempting fate or the gods. Maybe if you've done it once and it's gone well, you have more security in how things will go. I try to remind myself that most of the people around me were born and have turned out (basically) normal and the mothers were fine afterwards. Mostly I just try not to think about it. It's easier to not think about it as much since I'm not as nauseous as I was in the first trimester and I'm only a bit bigger than I have been at some points in my life. I haven't been "thin" since my freshman year of college, so having put on weight doesn't seem like such a change in general (except that I'm wearing maternity clothes, instead of just larger sizes).

But speaking of baby items -- we'll probably have some by Sunday! Ian's mom has already put together a "baby basket" of things for us, including something(s) in the "Classic Pooh" design, which I do like a lot. She loves to give, so this will be great fun for her (even more fun if it's a girl, as she had three boys and loves to buy girl things). I, of course, appreciate everything she gives us; it will just be weird to bring home baby things. Also, we have nowhere to put anything....

That brings me to another quandary: should we stay or should we go? We are living in a small apartment that is super cheap, but does not get much light and has a musty smell and very, very old appliances (I believe the last two items are related, because I have tried to clean and get that musty smell out and it just does not leave!). We have lots of closet space (and have filled each closet to overflowing), but only two bedrooms. Our bedroom is not big enough for a pack 'n' play (unless we take out our bed!), but we could put it in the office. The office could not be re-done as a nursery (not a big deal), and it's got piles of boxes all around the perimeter of the room. We can barely get into the closets as it is. What will it be like after we have baby things?

Our living room/dining area is also small -- my mom has been talking about getting one of those little indoor swing things (bouncer? what do you call those?), but we'll have to get rid of a couch before we can think about putting anything like that in here. I mean, I don't mind making adjustments, but it already feels crowded. We went through things when we moved and got rid of lots of stuff - we had the Salvation Army come and take furniture and cooking items away....

Oh, the kitchen! So, I got one of those baby bottles (drop-ins, by playtex -- who knew they made baby things? not me!) when I got my maternity clothes. (People do like to give you stuff.) So, I finally tried to put it away. There was one cabinet where I could put it. All the rest are full. It's not like we cook a lot (friends, you can attest to that, I know), so we don't have any fancy items. I used to have a glass collection that I pared down quite a bit to make everything fit, and we don't even have a good set of cookware. I blame our lack of counterspace on the fact that I broke one of my bowls this week. We can't put things on the stove because it's really easy to brush or bump against it and turn on a burner without realizing it. Since there's no dishwasher, we have to have room for a dish drainer next to the sink...

Man, pregnancy has made me whinier than usual!

For now, we've just looked at a couple places around town -- neither has been worthy of packing up and moving, for sure. Even though this place would be a real pain with three of us (plus a cat), it's kind of hard to not want to save money while having all the extra expenses of a newborn.

In other news... I got a haircut! If any of you have seen me lately, you know this is a good thing. I haven't had it cut/colored since June, and I was looking ... well, unfortunate. Luckily I got a good recommendation from a co-worker, and now consider myself to be much happier. It's not super short or anything, just much better than the long mess I've had for the past couple months. What a relief!

Okay, last thing: THANK YOU to everyone who emailed me or posted suggestions -- you have all been very helpful! Feel free to keep making suggestions, they are definitely welcome!

And now I should actually try to clean up the house a bit before we head to the in-laws'....

Okay, People...

We need some advice.

Travel system or "snap 'n' go" stroller system OR... no system at all?

It's driving me up the well. I don't know WHY it's making me so crazy, because it's not like it's a decision that has to be made now. I might be projecting all of my anxiety about maybebaby into this one area of baby preparation.

So, until a few weeks ago, I had never even heard of a travel system. For those of you who were like me, a travel system is made up of a car seat that can be put into a large stroller, which seems pretty convenient. We looked at some when we went to Babies R Us, and something that does seem pretty cool is that after the baby gets bigger, you can just put it into the bottom part of the stroller. (You can see this from the picture in the link below.) (Click here)

A snap 'n' go stroller is similar to a travel system; in fact, the only differences that I can see: the stroller is not as heavy as the travel system stroller and as the baby gets bigger, you have to get a separate stroller for it.
(Click here)

Benefit(s) to the travel system: stroller can be used for longer
Benefit(s) to the snap 'n' go system: stroller is a lot lighter and easier to store

Now, I've heard from at least one person on each side, but I feel like I need more recommendations. Reviews online are basically split in half.

So, people, let me know what you think! That includes people with babies and without! Poll your friends! Tell me the stories!

In fact, any other recommendations about must-haves for babies would be helpful. It looks like we might be having a family shower over the holidays, so I'll need to have a WalMart registry by then, and I've sort of hit a wall with it for now. So, any and all suggestions are welcomed!

In other news, most of the nausea has passed and things are going pretty smoothly. I have an appointment at the obgyn in the next two weeks (I guess I should call and figure out when that is -- I'm such a caring mother-to-be that I lost my appointment card), but we won't know what the sex of the baby is until December. GRRRR. I can't imagine waiting until the very end to find out. I'm not that patient, obviously.

Here's to week 15!

PICTURES

The ultrasound technicians first started by showing us a blob. I was like, "Oh boy! It's a baby blob!" (I mean, I said that in my head.) I was actually excited. Then she said, "That's the head." Then she moved around the ultrasound thingamajigger and then said, "Look, now you can see the head and the body," and I was like, "HOLY CRAP! IT LOOKS LIKE A BABY!" (Again, I didn't say exactly that out loud. But it was almost that.) I don't think we were expecting to see a thing that actually looked like a baby. I was actually not even sure that we would see a picture at all; I thought maybe we'd just be trying to hear a heartbeat. (It's not like this stuff is instinctive, you know.)


This is when the ultrasound ladies told me it looked like it would be a girl and I got super excited, even though I knew in my heart of hearts that they couldn't tell this early. They said, "Look, it has its little legs crossed like a lady!" Oh.

This one they said made the baby look like a boy, because he was "lounging" and it looked like he was watching tv with a remote in his hand.

Keep in mind that these ladies kept saying how CUTE it was. Ian and I just kept looking at each other, both of us thinking, "Uh, it's cute for an ALIEN."

Now, this one is ACTUALLY A PICTURE OF AN ALIEN MONKEY BABY! It looks awesome. It's really a top-down view of the head (on the left -- those are the two parts of the brain you can see there) and then its stomach, I guess. Or, you know, it's an alien monkey baby. (You can decide.)

Creepy.

I'd also like to add that when I step back and think about this, it occurs to me that putting up pictures of your uterus online is kind of strange. I mean...I don't know. What do you think?

Creepy.

Fat or MaybeBaby?

Okay, for real, I will post the ultrasound pictures later tonight or tomorrow.

So, we went to the closest "metropolitan area" last weekend and I got to get new clothes. Sounds like fun, but when I spend lots of money and get a few new outfits, I usually feel this sense of glee (slightly tinged with guilt). This time, it was all about duty and necessity. We went to Motherhood Maternity, which, overall, was cheaper than I expected. However, when you buy three pairs of pants, two pairs of jeans, some shirts, and a dress (oh, and a coat), it racks up the bill pretty fast.

The experience was positive in a few ways, though --

1. There was someone there who could actually give me advice (other than Ian, who would say things like, "Yeah, that looks good," or "Yes, that makes you look pregnant")
2. There was a fake baby belly you could put on underneath the clothes to see if they would "work for the entire pregnancy"
and
3. Maternity pants have those awesome panels that are SO INCREDIBLY COMFORTABLE that I may wear them even after I deliver! Dude! I seriously do not know why people don't wear maternity pants all the time. (Okay, at least 80% of the time?)

The fake pregnancy belly was scratchy and confusing, but still fun. I didn't know which way was "up" and the velcro straps were annoying, but I was just excited that I could see what I would look like later on. The verdict? FAT!

I already feel like people are just looking at me, thinking, "That girl could stand to lose a few." I mean, I've read a few pregnancy books, and no one ever talks about worrying that people think you're fat. That must be because I'm stupid, or because everyone else is telling EVERYONE THEY MEET that they're pregnant to avoid the whole issue altogether. But then doesn't it seem like you're one of those bragging pregnant ladies? Even if it's relevant in conversation, it just feels awkward to say, "Yeah, you know I'm pregnant, so blah blah blah." Instead, I just have to hope that people are talking behind my back.

"Erin looks SO FAT now!"
"Oh, didn't you know? She's pregnant!"
"OH.... How far along is she?"
"Just into her second trimester, I think."
"Hmm. Well, it looks like she'd better watch her weight and not gain too much. That can be a real problem."

Dang!

Wow!

Apparently blogging just isn't that hard.

So, to give you a little background....

My husband and I moved to a new state recently, and we've been lucky enough to make some great friends. We moved over the summer, which was about when I went off the Pill. (See, I can already tell there will be some personal stuff just laid out for everyone to see! Guys, please don't tell my parents or yours about this site....) We figured "if it happens, it happens," but I really didn't think anything would happen for a while.

I talked to my mom recently (now that she knows I'm pregnant), and she said it took her and my dad TWO YEARS to conceive me. They didn't use any kind of fertility treatments; the problem was my mom's irregular cycle. The doctor told her that it was a miracle she conceived at all!

I kind of expected that we would have "problems" getting pregnant. It was just a feeling I had. Also, being pregnant is just kind of inconceivable for me, and I gather other people my age feel the same way. I mean, what is it all about? Pregnancy is WEIRD. I know how it happens, but HOW DOES IT HAPPEN? It seems impossible. So it surprised me when I started to get symptoms of pregnancy in August.

Now, as you well know, when you go off the pill, things go wonky. I've been on the pill for a long time, so I can't remember things like whether I was a 28-days kind of gal, or whether my periods were usually 6 days long or 12. (Well, I know they were usually longer than most people's -- or so I gathered -- but the rest is just a haze.) So, I went off the pill, and then my period would appear and things would continue as normal. I got my period during the third week of July and I remember it lasted a while; then I got my period again in the second week of August, which just seemed way too early, unusual, and also unfair. It seemed normal in every other way, except that it was shorter. Then about a week later, I woke up in the morning, went into the bathroom, and felt weird. I felt like there was a vice all around my stomach and hips, squeezing, and I was lightheaded. I thought to myself, "If this is what pregnancy is like, then I've decided I don't want to be!"

For all those who don't know me that well, know this: I have little tolerance for pain or discomfort. I am admittedly a huge wuss. This is okay in most situations, but not pregnancy. I knew it would be hard and uncomfortable and painful before we decided to "let things happen," but I also knew that it would be even more difficult if I waited until I was older. A "get it over with" kind of attitude, if you will.

I recovered myself (did not throw up, and have yet to do so, actually - knock wood), and went back to the bedroom, where I informed my more-than-half-asleep husband that I was probably pregnant. He said, "Oh!" There was a pause. "Are you okay?" "Yes, now I am." Then I think we just went back to sleep.

I postponed taking a test -- first of all, I didn't know which kind to get, and secondly, I was also just nervous. We'd been sort of prepared for the idea of getting pregnant, but it turned out we were not actually prepared at all. I felt a bit at sea -- this kind of thing happens to other people, right? Who decided I was ready to be pregnant? I guess we did. It still felt like we weren't responsible for it (in that crazy way that isn't true at all).

I went to Wal-Mart and stood in the family planning aisle for a while. I finally picked out the pink stripey test (First Response). I took it home and didn't use it. I waited until that Friday, when we were having friends over, to do it. I probably wouldn't have taken it for another few days if it hadn't been for them; we were planning to drink wine with dinner, and I just couldn't bring myself to drink the two or three (or eight) glasses I might drink unless I knew for sure that I wasn't pregnant. So, I took the test.

It was confusing. My advice, DON'T DO LINES. So, here's what the directions kind of look like:
| = Not pregnant
| | = Pregnant

(Imagine the first line in the "Not pregnant" category lining up over the SECOND line in the "Pregnant" category -- I've forgotten all the html I taught myself in high school and don't know how to format this so that it looks like that.)

Okay, to me, that looks like, the right line will show up no matter what, but if the left line shows up, that means you're pregnant, right? Right. But what I got was: a really dark left line and very, very faint right line. I mean, now I know for sure that it was a positive. But when you're not sure of anything and kind of confused and nervous, you're looking for ABSOLUTELY SURE. Not faint lines that aren't the ones that are supposed to be faint.

Also, I was kind of thinking it might be a false positive, because of the time constraints. All the tests say you can take the test five days before your period is expected. Of course, if you're just off the pill and your cycle is whacked out, how do you KNOW when your next period is expected?! That frustrated me to no end. All I could do is just drink a half glass of wine (guiltily, admittedly), and take the second test from the box in another week.

Then not really trust it, because again, I didn't know when my period was due to start.

Then -- I bought a Clear Blue test. I liked it much better, since it was either YES or NO. (Well, technically it was PREGNANT -- or NOT PREGNANT. But the former, obviously, in my case.) So.

I took those tests over a period of about a month and a half, never quite sure when my period was due. My co-workers made fun of me for not really believing it, when I was obviously nauseous and tired and any weird smells made me ill. (It was obvious to them that I was pregnant, since I was eating crackers and drinking ginger ale for a couple weeks straight. It's much easier to hide from people who don't see you often!)

The weirdest thing for me was trying to determine when I got pregnant. I figured that the weird August period must have been "implantation bleeding," which I read about online, but it didn't fit the description completely. (The only thing abnormal had been its timing and the length.) However, I'm aware that every person is different, so what happened to me may not match up with others' experiences. It got even more confusing a month later (actually it was three days ago), when the doctors told me I probably conceived in July -- BEFORE I got what I thought was a regular period -- and said that my July cycle was probably implantation bleeding.

WHAT?

Being pregnant makes no sense. At any rate, someone told me that she's heard of people having regular periods after they conceive (that is not implantation bleeding) -- but if I had known in August that I was pregnant, I would have flipped out when I started whatever-it-was in the middle of that month. BODIES ARE WEIRD. I also have to admit that I'm not really buying into this whole "conceived in July" thing. So when people ask me about my due date, I say, "End of April, beginnig of May," when the nurse told me it was probably April 22nd.

I deluded myself for almost 2 and a half months into being not really sure I was truly pregnant ("is it all in my mind?" "are these symptoms actually real or do I just want them to be real?"), so I guess I can delude myself about the due date if I want.

More later! I imagine future posts will not have to be as long. (You can hope.)

The MaybeBaby

Welcome to our MaybeBaby blog! I've never blogged before, but I'm willing to start! First I have some special thanks to hand out -

To Abbey: For suggesting the blog, and who may be the only person who follows it,
To Emily: For suggesting calling the little thing inside me the MaybeBaby, and
To Ian: For, um, making this all possible.

This blog will be mostly for friends and (young) family far away, and while men are welcome to look at it, I'm not sure they'd want to hear some of what I may want to say! The blog is "public," but only because it might (somehow?) be useful to someone else who is expecting or wants to get pregnant. At this point, it's hard to imagine that I would have anything unique to share that couldn't be found out in a book or on another website, but at least this will be nice for people who actually know me.

I do have ultrasound pictures to post and more to write, but that will have to wait. I hope you guys enjoy this! (I know I will!)

- E