Wow!

Apparently blogging just isn't that hard.

So, to give you a little background....

My husband and I moved to a new state recently, and we've been lucky enough to make some great friends. We moved over the summer, which was about when I went off the Pill. (See, I can already tell there will be some personal stuff just laid out for everyone to see! Guys, please don't tell my parents or yours about this site....) We figured "if it happens, it happens," but I really didn't think anything would happen for a while.

I talked to my mom recently (now that she knows I'm pregnant), and she said it took her and my dad TWO YEARS to conceive me. They didn't use any kind of fertility treatments; the problem was my mom's irregular cycle. The doctor told her that it was a miracle she conceived at all!

I kind of expected that we would have "problems" getting pregnant. It was just a feeling I had. Also, being pregnant is just kind of inconceivable for me, and I gather other people my age feel the same way. I mean, what is it all about? Pregnancy is WEIRD. I know how it happens, but HOW DOES IT HAPPEN? It seems impossible. So it surprised me when I started to get symptoms of pregnancy in August.

Now, as you well know, when you go off the pill, things go wonky. I've been on the pill for a long time, so I can't remember things like whether I was a 28-days kind of gal, or whether my periods were usually 6 days long or 12. (Well, I know they were usually longer than most people's -- or so I gathered -- but the rest is just a haze.) So, I went off the pill, and then my period would appear and things would continue as normal. I got my period during the third week of July and I remember it lasted a while; then I got my period again in the second week of August, which just seemed way too early, unusual, and also unfair. It seemed normal in every other way, except that it was shorter. Then about a week later, I woke up in the morning, went into the bathroom, and felt weird. I felt like there was a vice all around my stomach and hips, squeezing, and I was lightheaded. I thought to myself, "If this is what pregnancy is like, then I've decided I don't want to be!"

For all those who don't know me that well, know this: I have little tolerance for pain or discomfort. I am admittedly a huge wuss. This is okay in most situations, but not pregnancy. I knew it would be hard and uncomfortable and painful before we decided to "let things happen," but I also knew that it would be even more difficult if I waited until I was older. A "get it over with" kind of attitude, if you will.

I recovered myself (did not throw up, and have yet to do so, actually - knock wood), and went back to the bedroom, where I informed my more-than-half-asleep husband that I was probably pregnant. He said, "Oh!" There was a pause. "Are you okay?" "Yes, now I am." Then I think we just went back to sleep.

I postponed taking a test -- first of all, I didn't know which kind to get, and secondly, I was also just nervous. We'd been sort of prepared for the idea of getting pregnant, but it turned out we were not actually prepared at all. I felt a bit at sea -- this kind of thing happens to other people, right? Who decided I was ready to be pregnant? I guess we did. It still felt like we weren't responsible for it (in that crazy way that isn't true at all).

I went to Wal-Mart and stood in the family planning aisle for a while. I finally picked out the pink stripey test (First Response). I took it home and didn't use it. I waited until that Friday, when we were having friends over, to do it. I probably wouldn't have taken it for another few days if it hadn't been for them; we were planning to drink wine with dinner, and I just couldn't bring myself to drink the two or three (or eight) glasses I might drink unless I knew for sure that I wasn't pregnant. So, I took the test.

It was confusing. My advice, DON'T DO LINES. So, here's what the directions kind of look like:
| = Not pregnant
| | = Pregnant

(Imagine the first line in the "Not pregnant" category lining up over the SECOND line in the "Pregnant" category -- I've forgotten all the html I taught myself in high school and don't know how to format this so that it looks like that.)

Okay, to me, that looks like, the right line will show up no matter what, but if the left line shows up, that means you're pregnant, right? Right. But what I got was: a really dark left line and very, very faint right line. I mean, now I know for sure that it was a positive. But when you're not sure of anything and kind of confused and nervous, you're looking for ABSOLUTELY SURE. Not faint lines that aren't the ones that are supposed to be faint.

Also, I was kind of thinking it might be a false positive, because of the time constraints. All the tests say you can take the test five days before your period is expected. Of course, if you're just off the pill and your cycle is whacked out, how do you KNOW when your next period is expected?! That frustrated me to no end. All I could do is just drink a half glass of wine (guiltily, admittedly), and take the second test from the box in another week.

Then not really trust it, because again, I didn't know when my period was due to start.

Then -- I bought a Clear Blue test. I liked it much better, since it was either YES or NO. (Well, technically it was PREGNANT -- or NOT PREGNANT. But the former, obviously, in my case.) So.

I took those tests over a period of about a month and a half, never quite sure when my period was due. My co-workers made fun of me for not really believing it, when I was obviously nauseous and tired and any weird smells made me ill. (It was obvious to them that I was pregnant, since I was eating crackers and drinking ginger ale for a couple weeks straight. It's much easier to hide from people who don't see you often!)

The weirdest thing for me was trying to determine when I got pregnant. I figured that the weird August period must have been "implantation bleeding," which I read about online, but it didn't fit the description completely. (The only thing abnormal had been its timing and the length.) However, I'm aware that every person is different, so what happened to me may not match up with others' experiences. It got even more confusing a month later (actually it was three days ago), when the doctors told me I probably conceived in July -- BEFORE I got what I thought was a regular period -- and said that my July cycle was probably implantation bleeding.

WHAT?

Being pregnant makes no sense. At any rate, someone told me that she's heard of people having regular periods after they conceive (that is not implantation bleeding) -- but if I had known in August that I was pregnant, I would have flipped out when I started whatever-it-was in the middle of that month. BODIES ARE WEIRD. I also have to admit that I'm not really buying into this whole "conceived in July" thing. So when people ask me about my due date, I say, "End of April, beginnig of May," when the nurse told me it was probably April 22nd.

I deluded myself for almost 2 and a half months into being not really sure I was truly pregnant ("is it all in my mind?" "are these symptoms actually real or do I just want them to be real?"), so I guess I can delude myself about the due date if I want.

More later! I imagine future posts will not have to be as long. (You can hope.)